My Friend Found My Boyfriend’s X-Rated Videos Online, Should I Leave Him?

Q. Boyfriend on display: I have been dating a terrific guy, “Jason,” for about five months now (we’re both dudes, if it matters). He’s everything I’ve been looking for but there’s a problem: He has an Xtube page up. I introduced him to my friend “Bob,” who is an avid watcher of online porn. Bob later told me about the page and sent me the link to it. (I made Bob promise not to tell anyone; he’s a great friend and I’m not worried about him spreading the word.) Basically it’s nine videos of Jason masturbating with his face showing in a few of them. I was mortified seeing the videos and cried privately. I don’t know what to do. This is the best relationship I’ve been in in years. Jason is attentive and caring and is interested in taking our union further, but I don’t know if I can ever trust him. I’m not interested in having a boyfriend whose naughty bits are on display for the whole world to see! If it matters he apparently hasn’t logged on or uploaded any new videos to his porn page in over a year. What should I do?

A: I’m not sure why you feel like you can’t trust him. What about his having masturbated in front of a camera a few years ago has rendered him untrustworthy? I can understand feeling uncomfortable, certainly, and wondering whether you two are compatible in terms of how you view privacy, but trustworthiness doesn’t seem to be an issue here. There’s nothing untrustworthy about jerking off for an audience. If you think you can have a conversation with Jason about this (without accusing him of hiding something from you or of being an untrustworthy person), then tell him what you found, ask him if he’d be comfortable removing the videos, and have a serious conversation about what you both think about privacy. On the other hand, if you honestly don’t believe you can date someone who has ever had an Xtube page, no matter what the circumstances, then do Jason a favor and end your relationship before it gets serious.